The Psychometric Assessment

Every employers dream come true?

It’s true, here is the be all and end all for every employer, the psychometric assessment. The great secret about this, is, that there are no right or wrong answers. I’ll bet you are already interested.

Ever wonder why you have salespeople who can’t sell? Workers who can’t work? Builders who can’t build? Managers who can’t manage? Consultants who can’t consult? The list is almost endless and in fact is.

The answer is very simple. They are not suited to the job and the best way you, as an employer can solve this, is to make every prospective employee take this test. You might find you suddenly get people who are more suited, then again, you might not? After all this has been drawn up by people with better minds than your own. A very special breed of people, psychiatrists, more commonly known in laymen terms as “shrinks.”

As with all things in today’s world it makes a great deal of sense and of course due to that it has been manipulated by unscrupulous people. Sound familiar?

Well I’d like to show you how, as it pertained to me and no doubt, countless others.

American ingenuity.

Did you know that most of the top companies rated by Fortune 500 use this great ploy? Well at least 80% of them do. So follow the go getters and all the other lads, lads. Get in fast before it’s too late. Actually it never is. Has a 100% success rate, no kidding. If you can’t wangle your way around this one lads, then you shouldn’t be in business. Imagine never being wrong? Imagine never being right as well? How can one go wrong?

Simple, it’s open to abuse these days especially since the politicians got their hands on it and tried to browbeat the employers. Now if you can’t slip one of those a few bob then you shouldn’t be in business after all. Altogether now;

“there’s no business like big business,like no business, but big?”

Here is my story.

My psychometric assessment.

Having being a former owner most of my life on large commercial farms, I was devastated to be fired from my farming jobs where I now live. I swore to myself that I would never work on a farm again, certainly not here. It was a great opportunity for a fresh start which I approached with gusto.

I always felt, who wouldn’t want to hire me and was soon to find out almost everyone?

This was a long, demeaning and laborious process but eventually I got an opportunity with a large American company, on a factory line, but it hinged on undergoing a “psychometric assessment.” Normally this is done by telephone, but seeing as I was profoundly deaf, it was decided that they would permit me to do this orally with one of their interviewers. How kind. It must be understood that here in Ireland, these companies are compelled to hire a proportion of disabled people whether willingly or not.

Although I have a cochlear ear implant and can hear someone talking on the telephone I find it almost impossible to ‘understand’ what they are saying. Before having this I had to undergo deep, psychiatric assessment from which I came through with flying colours. Understandably then, I was more than confident that I would pass this test, especially as there are no right or wrong answers.

The great day arrived and the questions began. Once finished, I complimented the interviewer on how well they had handled me, because people often struggle with a deaf person when first meeting them. They replied;

“that’s because my sister is deaf.”

I thought I was home and dry?

The psychometric assessment results.

It took forever to get them to reply to me. By this time I had someone whose job it was to find work for disabled people, helping me. Sitting in her office a month after doing this test (I’m an impatient man), I asked her to phone them for me. She did and one look at her face whilst she was talking to them told me, the news was not good. It wasn’t, I failed.

I was shocked and appalled, truly, crestfallen as well. My helper trying to cheer me up, said;

” Kevin, I keep on trying to tell you that you are over qualified for all these jobs that you are applying for, but you won’t listen.”

My reply;

Yes but I’m under qualified for anything else.”

Your opinions welcome.

Truly annoyed I managed to remember at least fifty of the questions they asked me and wrote them down. I then started questioning people from varying walks of life and asking them what they would have said. I concentrated heavily on my son and wouldn’t let this go (as is my way), and people find this tiresome.

One night he said to me;

” If I was you Dad, I wouldn’t worry too much about failing a test for a worker, when they know you are a leader.”

 What nonsense, but it made me feel better. I felt even better when I met someone who had already been working for them for three years and they were making new adjustments to staff and had decided to let him go. He asked if he could stay and they said yes, provided he did a psychometric assessment, which he failed.

So people it’s now over to you. Please tell what you think about all this, and of course this, a type of two in one and all comments welcome.

I understand that to many Americans they are not happy with many of their great companies leaving for greener pastures.  Frankly, I’m all for this from an Irish perspective because it brought in investment and made jobs available. We have the most educated workforce in the world (all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding). Here is how they sweetened the deal.

Firstly, they gave a little grant. Americans must understand that this isn’t a non-redeemable loan, or one with low interest rates. No Sir, it’s a wee, little gift, a little here you are, for which you don’t have to repay a cent. Smart hey? It could be as small as fifty seven million Euro’s, which might come in handy to get your little factory going. Coupled with a low corporate tax of 12.8%, is it any wonder they flocked here?

Sadly, although they never paid their staff minimum wage, always higher, they blamed the government for them wanting to leave, for raising the minimum wage. Of course not all the companies are doing this, but many are. They are now “migrating” to Poland with a little grant of fifty million from the Poles. Once there, they will also pay top dollar but it will be less than half of here in Ireland. Then no doubt after a couple of years they will “migrate” somewhere else leaving even more people with broken hearts and dreams.

Do you think this is right?


About spookmoor

I'm a 61 year old happily married man with three grown up children. I lost all my hearing as an eighteen year old whilst doing National Service and then had a Cochlear Ear Implant twenty years later. I love trying to explain these things to people and bits about my life. I never thought so at the time, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Thus one gets Random ramblings from a man who has seen a lot with a touch of humour underlying all.
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22 Responses to The Psychometric Assessment

  1. A good use of the industrial psychologist is the lubrication of wood chipper. Maybe after a few years on a factory floor actually doing the work instead a postulating about it; would give them the truth about of what is required to perform the daily grind.

  2. Pete Nilson says:

    Hi Spook interesting topic , I have used psychometric testing as a tool for recruiting for some time and can confirm that the system is awesome. However I to had a test done on myself and insisted on
    reading the results. Well I have never been scared of the truth and found the results amazingly close to my own perception of self. My days at boarding school from age 7 and then the army had a profound influence on who I was , as it would have had on you . I then set out to prove the summary was wrong.” My numeric reasoning would limit my ability to hold senior managerial positions because of the need for financial interpretation and assessment.” I simply surrounded myself with smarter people than me and managed their career past me. It worked.
    Life can be cruel but I assume your intelligence , problem solving and verbal reasoning made you not suitable. In normal speak ” To smart , gets bored easily, seeks better ways of doing things would have snookered you.

    • spookmoor says:

      Fantastic reply Pete and delighted to see you here. I think ‘seeks better ways of doing things’ could quite easily have been the snooker? Once again thanks for the insight Pete.

  3. Ah Spook .. you have once again hit the proverbial hammer on the nail. I must first of all admit to hating and loathing that banal statement ..”you are over qualified for the job” !!! In a land where there are few jobs going, we rarely get the job we are looking for, but are prepared to work at the next best thing, so we don’t become a burden on the state or tax paying public! However the employers are adamant, no hell bent on, preventing anyone from performing a job, which they have deemed to be below the applicant’s standards!. I just want a job so I can put food on the table and educate my children. It might not be what I have done before, but this is what I am prepared to do .. just give me the opportunity !!! As to “psychometric assessments” .. their name is indicative of just who should be assessed! Both the patients of those esteemed clinics and the doctors presiding over the inmates are the correct and targeted audiences of these “tests”! I just hope that some time in the future this pendulum will return on its journey and all this academic BS will be sweep aside on its return, to let a sane, more rational mental state resume order over this gobbledegook psychobabble and over inflated self-esteem nonsense! Rant over and thank you once again for you posts my friend.(I hope I wasn’t too off topic.)

  4. frankiekay says:

    Our Zimboe talents are particular to Zim. I did a degree to teach children and that is pretty much the same worldwide…farming, esp the way we did is not the same elsewhere…

  5. John Morris says:

    Ha! Spook.
    Went through one of these years ago when I applied for a very senior job in an international firm with Africa offices in Johannesburg.
    I failed and it has haunted me till today.
    Bunch of monkeys.
    The reason I failed they said, was that I read books from the back page forwards and was too impatient for their liking.
    And they weren’t even Chinese.
    Any excuse not to hire you.
    And, your son knew what he was talking about.
    Best wishes.

    • spookmoor says:

      Thanks for the laugh John and being the first to comment. Just remember there are no wrong or right answers? Pigs might fly and thanks for the compliment.

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